Lifestyle sentence

The Passenger Door Protocol

Severity
Category
Cost
Free
Time required
full offseason

From season's end until next year's draft, the loser must enter their own car through the passenger side and climb over the console, every time, including dates and work mornings. Subtle, absurd, and corrosive to the soul. Enforced by spot checks and honor, mostly honor.

The long haul: this is not a one-afternoon sentence. With a time commitment of full offseason, the punishment keeps paying out (for everyone else) long after the season ends. Long sentences need a written end date and a league-appointed enforcer who checks compliance.

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